i don't have much to say. iv'e been writing songs on my own. i sleep a lot. i can't seem to get my computer to work anymore. so i record everything i play on a separate phone. i feel so empty inside. i don't know whats going on. all i'm thinking is "why did this happen to me" there is no way to explain how i feel inside. no one has gone through the pain that i am in. if my pain can be expressed through music. it would be like going from a G power chord to a B7 chord in a fast beat when you're barely beginning to learn. i am certain of failure every single day. i know i am not going to college. i probably won't even graduate high school. these days have been tough. i am certain of death before the age of 30. i am certain my band won' t be good. i am a very negative person and think about failure before success. i don't need a therapist to make me answer my own problems. all a therapists does is ask you questions until you answer what is wrong with you. i know what's wrong with me. i just don't want to tell no one. i have this urge to be hurt. the feeling of pain and seeking danger/near death experiences are the only things making me feel alive. there is no reason to live. there is no one hoping i lie. all around me are a bunch of people that despise me because i am able to be who i am. i don't care if people don't like me. i will not act like another person to make friends. either people like me because of who i am or they don't. i am what they call a "real" friend. i can name 30 fake friends in this class and in other classes.
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